he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i think i have herpe
just one?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She's like a pop up book from hell.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize