I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
