id be glad to
I am spending my child support on dildos
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
