just survived the first fart of the relationship.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
