omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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