I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
