Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
