Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
