Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
