32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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