Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
