I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
