I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
