Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
