I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
