I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
