Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
