she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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