i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
