i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
