She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
