I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
