Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
