I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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