"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
