she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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