people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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