he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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