Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize