We won't sleep together?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
