walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
