apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
