i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
