Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
