During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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