I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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