Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
