you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Quick, to the slutcave!
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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