Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
