why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
