mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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