Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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