Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
COCAINE IS GR8
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
