i don't like sucking hair
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
