After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
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