This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
