so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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