I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
