Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
