$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize