Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
