dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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