He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
