we're chasing vodka with high fives
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
