names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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