imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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