Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
This show inspires me to have sex in space
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
