We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
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I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
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Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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