cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
