i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
