just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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