I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
