There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
