It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
