i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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