you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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