you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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