This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
