He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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