So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
