I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
