I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
