eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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