I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
