So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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